Something To Be Said

Thanksgiving is a unique day of the year that forces a person to think about their life, about how things have unfolded for them, and about the people they have been blessed to know. I have an amazing family and a shockingly diverse group of friends.

My mom is extremely selfless. She's entertaining and doesn't realize it. My dad is optimistic and encouraging regardless of his own circumstances. He knows the right things to say to make everything feel better. My older sister is a cowgirl who knows how and when to stick up for herself. She is bold and amazingly beautiful. My younger sister rests the burdens of the world upon her shoulders. She's compassionate and can sing at the top of her lungs. And my brother. He is quiet but confident. He speaks only when he has something to say and will defend OU football any day of the year. I have also been blessed by a solid group of friends. We all like different things and come from different states and families, but we support each other in whatever we choose to love. When I look into the eyes of the people I appreciate most, I see diversity, humility, and above all, unique passions and qualities. I hear different voices that hold distinct and unparalleled passions that define the very spirit that motivates their personal state-of-being. For them, and for me, passion is the force that provides a sustaining energy throughout the day and ensures a promising tomorrow.


Kathleen, for instance. Her voice is much different than mine. She is an artist. Every word that means something to her reveals itself on paper. On a canvas. In paint. In chalk. In oil. Her passions lie deeper than surface. Her work says something. Something no one else can say in exactly the same manner. She changes people. She changes me and whomever else looks at her final projects. Through her art, she evokes emotion out of viewers. She encourages them to recognize their own passions and utilize their own gifts. She provides them an opportunity to use their own voice--their own means to make a difference.

The most precious moments in life are the ones that leave us speechless. When there are no sufficient words, no perfect combination of passionate vocabulary, or phrase to describe a smile, that is when you know that there is something to be said. Passion is affirmation that the person with the idea, the mental picture, and the drive to make it known has something worth saying. I am a firm believer that everyone has their own silence. Their own means of happiness. Do the things in life that make you happy, whether it is drawing, writing, singing, listening, or speaking. Let whatever leaves you speechless and makes you smile motivate you to have a voice. Let the silence within yourself create an opportunity to speak. Because you can and will make a difference.

All artwork done by Kathleen Nixon

My Blinking Eye

Several weeks ago when the weather was still nice and warm, my boyfriend took me out on the lake in his parent’s boat. I took my shoes off, planning to sit back on the boat and relax. However, I soon found out that he was a huge lake fan, which is a little bit intimidating for someone who rides horses instead of Sea-doos. I wanted to impress him, so I chose to be a team player and participate. My intention to merely attempt wake boarding as a first-timer turned into a fifteen-minute long display of athleticism. Girls can do whatever boys can, right? Well when Chris and I were packing up to leave that evening, he knelt down and began to tie my shoelaces for me. He looked up and commented that no one could tie converse like him, as his left cheek forced a side smile. Today, I have been thinking about Christopher and the night at the lake when he tied my shoes. After a long day, he wanted to take care of me, show me affection, and be kind to me. He wanted to serve me in the simplest of ways.

This afternoon, I was visiting with a dear friend in her room. We were catching one another up on the latest news of our personal lives. I began rambling about school and family. The next thing I knew, I felt myself giving in to emotion. Tears welled in my eyes, but they didn’t run down my cheek. It was almost like, even though I was crying, I was telling myself that there was nothing to cry about. “Everything will be fine. I don’t need to burden other people with my trifling problems.” I blinked, and the tears formed a path down my face. One small trail revealing the evidence of suppression. At that moment, I realized that Kayla was my blinking eye. The catalyst for conversation. And the person kneeling to tie my shoelaces.

As we try to catch what the world throws at us, we become so exhausted that apathy begins to consume our thoughts, ignoring problems seems easier, and depending on others appears unnecessary. But sometimes we need to rely on another person, a close friend or family member. Sometimes we need to just talk and let someone else provide an opinion, some insight, or words of wisdom. Sometimes we need to simply let others care. Sometimes those we love can tie our shoelaces better than we can ourselves.

An audience with Shelby's face.

If someone ever begins a sentence with “God has called me to …,” accountability immediately looms over his or her head. I look at this person and think, “Oh, nice going. Now you’ve really got some big shoes to fill.” They instantly become responsible for following through with what God has articulated to them because others have heard it spoken.

Until recently, I have always considered this spiritual suicide because personal conversations with the Lord are now out on the table for everyone to see and criticize. I have kept God’s call for my life to myself because I feel like it’s expected that outsiders would question that call. I’ve been afraid they would judge me, question my motives, or have little faith that I will follow through for Him. But the truth is, I have to verbalize what the Lord has instructed me to do. If I don’t, I am being disobedient. Silence basically presents the truth that I do not trust His plans and that I believe they are not good enough to share. The dreams I have hidden in my heart for the past year coincides with God’s dreams for my future. And that is very exciting; however, I am so scared because He has called me to be a writer.

This was affirmed for me as I stood staring at the faces of 280 teenagers at the Northwest Oklahoma district church camp in Tishomingo, Oklahoma. The speaker asked all the counselors, leaders, and staff to come forward and be willing to pray with any kids that came to the front. I hadn’t formed any close relationships with the campers yet because it was only Tuesday night, so I was really worried that no one would ask me to pray with them, and I would look stupid standing there by myself in front of all those people. Ridiculous concern, I know, but I began praying, “Lord, I feel like I won’t have a lot of kids wanting to pray with me, but if someone does need me, please give me the exact prayer that they need to hear.” Right then, I felt a tug on my arm; Shelby, a gorgeous 15-year-old girl from my home church, stood in front of me and said, “Morgan, will you pray for me?” Tears filled my eyes. I wrapped my arms around her, hugged her as tight as I could, and began praying into her ear. That night I whispered a prayer into her ear; I talked to God about protecting her and taking away all her fears about entering high school as a freshman. I asked Him to give her guidance and direction to be a light for Jesus in her school. I asked Him to bless her with spiritual discernment when boys started asking her out on dates. The words kept spilling out of me, and I don’t remember most of what I said.

The next day, Roxanne, the wife of Shelby’s youth pastor, stopped me after breakfast and expressed how much I had impacted Shelby the night before with my prayer. She said that Shelby had cried about how much I had helped and comforted her. She looked me directly in the eyes and said, “Even after what’s recently happened, you have found a way to encourage her.” Having no idea what she was talking about, Roxanne began to share how Shelby’s mom had passed away just two weeks before camp. Not only was I emotionally torn apart at that moment, I was speechless. I was humbled. And I knew that God used me the night before. And ministering to young girls was exactly what God wanted me to do for the rest of my life.

That Tuesday night, when I called upon the Lord, He answered my little prayer. He made sure that I was available to give all my attention to Shelby and Shelby only. He prepared my heart and mind. He gave me the words to say, words directly from Him meant only for her. As I cried out to Him, I was simply an instrument for a young girl who needed someone to relate to her, someone to love her, and someone who would hold her tight and not let go.

This past year, I have had actual dreams where I’ve been standing on stage in front of packed auditoriums of young women presenting a novel I’d written that expressed God’s unconditional love for the female heart. Now, and in the future, I will do whatever is necessary to fulfill God’s plan for me. I will write books, articles, and notes. I will drive, fly, and walk. I will read, prepare, plan, and speak. The desires of my heart and the topics I am so passionate about have been ingrained into my personality and my core for a purpose. Yes, I am afraid, but I know that my fear is no longer an issue, and that I will not allow Satan a foothold to hold me back. This is God’s plan. It is no longer in my hands. It’s not up to me. He has called me to be a writer, so it doesn’t matter if I don’t think I’m good enough or capable to achieve something of this magnitude. He will provide the material; I just pray that everything I write is directly from the voice of God, just like Shelby’s prayer. That night, I made a decision to embrace God's plan for me. I made a decision to take advantage of life's opportunity. I tied my shoelaces.

Gifts. Use Them.

You know when you sleep a certain way, and then wake up to your reflection in the bathroom mirror with hair matted in a specific direction? You can make various attempts to train your hair to lay just right again, exactly how you want it. You splash water on it, comb it, hide it under a ponytail. But whatever you try to do, the proof of your sleep is still there. The only way to get rid of the annoying sleep cowlick is to start over, start the day new and fresh by taking a shower. When someone insults your personal and unavoidable, undeniable gifts the Lord gave you, they leave a sleep cowlick in your hair, and in your life.

For the longest time, I have struggled to feel comfortable in my own skin. I have watched the people around me and thought, "He is really interesting," or "She is good at so many things." In doing so, I abandoned the truth of my own design. I am interesting. I am good at many things. Sure, they may seem different or boring to other people. But to me, the things I love and the things I am good at matter. They are important. And they make me happy. It is necessary to know yourself, a joy I have just recently found comfort in.

I write my feelings down on paper.
I read because I enjoy it.
I drink black coffee.
I make jewelry when I have someone to make it for.
I like mellow music. I have created my own genre titled "Coffee Shop."
I will play any sport that involves a ball and a hoop.
I like arts and crafts. My life is on the pages of my scrapbook.
I enjoy conversation with friends and strangers.
I wear make-up only for myself.

These are only a few aspects of my own identity that I have come to terms with. I know how different people are. But that is what is beautiful about God's creation. How we seem to fit together. How we should never be bored in life. How we can and should take opportunities to gain from others' hobbies, talents, gifts, and happiness. So what makes you happy? What are you good at? How can you tie your Talent Shoelaces?

The things in life that you are most passionate about, the talents you possess, and sensitive areas in your heart have been placed there for a specific reason. It was not by accident. You and those aspects of yourself exist for a purpose. Don't let someone tell you you're not good enough, because you are. And don't sell yourself short. Find what makes you happy, and do it. Whatever it is. Regardless of how you believe others might treat you or how they might view the person you are. You were designed a specific way for a unique purpose. "For some reason"s are not valid arguments in life, and there is no such thing as a coincidence. Your gifts do not exist by chance. Use them. Find what you love. Find yourself. Tie your shoelaces.

Apathy and Forgetfulness: Life's Two Self-Defeating Tendencies

There is something necessary to be said about fate, coincidence, and "signs"--and that is that they depend upon attitude and perspective. I believe that life is full of opportunity. And as "livers," we have unique and sometimes limited moments within each 24 hour time block to take advantage of life's little chances. A chance to benefit a career or family situation. A chance to smile. A chance to make someone's day. Small chances that build to make big differences in the world. Sometimes we only get one specific chance to make the best of a certain Opportunity. Then, it disappears where no one else can reach it. It was given to one person. You. And then it's gone. Sometimes the circumstances in life we find ourselves in don't seem like positive situations because we all know that life can be cruel, bad things happen to good people, and other people can and do negatively impact us. But the determining factor in EVERY situation hands-down, without a doubt, for sure ... depends and is based upon Mindset. Mindset is a tricky little guy. Sometimes he plants a rotten seed in our mind called Negative Perspective that makes everything that follows in our day lead to Unhappiness. If life's opportunities were the story of Jack and Jill, we should strive to be Jill Mindset because she continues up Positive Hill while Jack Mindset is a clumsy guy with a broken head. Not good.

No one wakes up in the morning and thinks, "How can I make this the worst day ever?" or "How can I ruin everything positive I have going for me?" We are designed to seek and pursue the good in life. So, we wake up. Rub our tired eyes. Brush our teeth. Dress. And finally ... put on our shoes to head out the door and face the day. However, all too often I think most of us forget an important step in the get-ready-for-the-day process. We look down to find Dangling Shoelaces ... proof that Opportunity has not been taken advantage of. A subtle reminder that the finishing touch was forgotten and left uncompleted on a very important, unrepeatable day. I know that life's pavement dirties clean white Opportunity.

And I write to remind you to tie your shoelaces.